Who's that Man?
by MiSSxMELON
Summary: The three Gryffindors are bored and there's a stranger they just can't figure out who it is. Surprise guests? Definetly. Stupid? Duh. Read it? Please. Review? I'll kill you if you don't.


Disclaimer: No, I'm not crazy. Oh wait this is a disclaimer…uh I don't own Harry Potter.  
A/N: I'm not crazy.  
  
**Who's that Man?**

**By: Helen Li**  
  
_Siiiiiiiigh._  
  
"I'm bored," came the dull tone of Harry.  
  
"Yeah," came a dull reply from Ron.  
  
"Mmm," came the very uninteresting side comment of Hermione.  
  
"Me, too," came a voice out of nowhere.  
  
The three heads turned around slowly to see the stranger, for they were really tired and this sort of movement took considerable energy.  
  
"And who are you?" Harry asked in a bored tone.  
  
"You know, come to think of it…I don't really know," the person said thoughtfully.  
  
"Well, what do you know about yourself?" Hermione rolled her eyes.  
  
"I…um…don't know." the Stranger with apparently amnesia said slowly as he scratched his head.  
  
"Well…you don't look normal," Ron said helpfully.  
  
"…thanks?" the Stranger said, confused.  
  
"No problem," Ron said cheerfully.  
  
_Knock knock._  
  
"Hey, we're in a room…with a door!" Ron noted.  
  
"You're really one of a kind Ron…" Harry shook his head.  
  
"Are you going to get that?" the Stranger pointed out.  
  
"You know, that's not a bad idea. Wow, you're really smart." Hermione said with her eyes opened wide.  
  
"I have a feeling that maybe you're all the ones that don't look normal…" the Stranger sighed to himself.  
  
_KNOCK KNOCK!_  
  
"Some people are just so impatient," Harry snapped as he got up slowly to walk to the door. He stopped by the doorframe to take a rest and catch his breath. Today the three were really out of energy. He slowly pulled the door open and opened his eyes, yawning.  
  
"Oh good, someone's here. ("Because that's usually how the door gets knocked on," the Stranger muttered.) Maybe you could tell us who this dude is. (Because all British people speak with American slang…)" Harry yawned as he raised his arm to point at the Stranger. He did this slowly too, as if it were the most tedious job in the world.  
  
"Potty, have you gone out of your bloody mind? We don't talk to each other normally!" Malfoy exasperated.  
  
"We don't? Oh yeah…we don't. So then what did you come for?" Harry replied, however still confused.  
  
"Well, what do I usually come to do?" Malfoy said impatiently.  
  
Harry thought for a moment as Ron and Hermione joined in. The Stranger just stared at Malfoy who stared back.  
  
"Who in the bloody hell is that?" Malfoy finally said, breaking the silence.  
  
"That's what I was trying to ask you," Harry frowned.  
  
"Well, first things first. I come to insult you Potty. You're really quite stupid today, more than usual." Malfoy rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms.  
  
"Hmm…you don't sound very nice. Why on earth would I be friends with you?" Harry murmured.  
  
"Because…we're…not…friends," Malfoy said between gritted teeth.  
  
"Oh," came the dumb reply.  
  
The reason why Hermione and Ron hadn't been speaking in the past few seconds is because they fell asleep. They were tired. Duh. All of a sudden Hermione sprang up and yelled,  
  
"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"  
  
All heads turned around to Hermione, eager to find out.  
  
"Wait…no I don't," Hermione said dully as she flopped back down snoring.  
  
"Why are you all so tired today?" Malfoy exclaimed.  
  
Harry thought for a moment, he was still stuck on the whole why he and Malfoy were friends thing, and then shrugged.  
  
"…you guys didn't happen to drink the Drowsiness Potion from Potions class did you?" Malfoy said slowly.  
  
Harry thought AGAIN for a moment…and then nodded.  
  
"Damn Potter! You are one stupid bloke! But then again…we always knew that." Malfoy sighed.  
  
"Ahem, back to me? Who is me? Who am I? HELLO?" the Stranger snapped.  
  
"I could use a spell that tells us who you are that would save a bunch of time, but then that wouldn't create a story so I'll have to guess." Malfoy shrugged. (A/N: I'll explain more about that line after the story.)  
  
"Okay…let's start off with what you're wearing! A strange hat…well strange clothes…okay never mind we're not getting anywhere. What do you have in your pockets?" Malfoy questioned.  
  
Harry had already collapsed into a heap, snoring. Malfoy and the Stranger tried to ignore this.  
  
As the Stranger pulled out his stuff and laid it out, Malfoy picked up the pistol.  
  
"No additional shots nor powder"  
  
He then picked up the compass and examined it.  
  
"A compass that doesn't point north."  
  
Malfoy unsheathed the sword, raising his eyebrow.  
  
"And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."  
  
"I'm a pirate?" the Stranger asked, confused.  
  
"Wow…I guess so," Malfoy said in a daze as he wondered how on earth those words came out of his mouth.  
  
"WAIT! I KNOW WHO I AM!" the Stranger cried out.  
  
This awoke all the Gryffindors as Malfoy anticipated the news.  
  
"Wait…no I don't." the Stranger said in a dull tone. Everyone looked disappointed.  
  
"WAIT NOW I KNOW!"  
  
Everyone looked excited again.  
  
"Wait…no I don't."  
  
Everyone was bummed out again.  
  
"WAIT, NO, NOW I DO!"  
  
Everyone perked up again.  
  
"I am Sauron!" Sauron said proudly.  
  
All of a sudden a mysterious figure appeared and yelled,  
  
"I'M SAURON YOU GOD DAMN LOSER! YOU'RE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW YOU SAPPY, RUM-ADDICTIVE, WEIRD BEARD, FUNKY HAT, OVER-DOING EYELINER, STUPID BOAT (YES, BOAT!), OILY HAIR (WASH THAT…THAT…THING!), PLAYER (actually you're more of a pimp, but oh well!), WHO IS WASTING MY TIME! Damn…I'm in the wrong story."  
  
Sauron then mysteriously disappeared again. Everyone's hair stood on its end because Sauron had sprayed it, not said it.  
  
"Ewwwwww," Hermione whined as she wiped spit off her face.  
  
"G…r…o…s…s," Ron managed to say after breathing heavily. This word was very large and took a lot of energy to say.  
  
"Oh," Harry said in a dull tone. He shook his head like a dog and Sauron's spit sprayed everywhere.  
  
"Well…now I know who I am." Jack said.  
  
"Yeah…" Ron said thoughtfully.  
  
"So…there really is no more plot in this story." Jack said slowly.  
  
"Mmm," Hermione murmured as her eyes lids drooped down and she fell back down asleep, snoring.  
  
"Wait, who am I again?" Jack said, confused.  
  
Ron and Harry shrugged, they had already forgot, and Hermione woke up, shrugged, then fell back down.  
  
_Siiiiiiiigh_  
  
"I'm bored," came the dull tone of Harry.  
  
A/N: For those who don't understand…it just starts over again. (Amnesia has its course.) Anyways to explain that one line, there was this review for Anaconda's (dumb dumb dumb movie) and it was like:  
"…you know since Anacondas move at the speed of light and could just easily eat the whole boat at once…but then that wouldn't create a movie."  
  
That's not exactly what it said, I forgot, but I thought it was funny. Anyways this story wasn't meant to be true or anything, obviously since it's one of my stupid humors. So…review?


End file.
